Research shows that thriving churches are those that empathise with today’s young people. So what does it mean to empathise? It means to ‘feel with’ them. It means working to understand them--how and why they do things, their physical and emotional needs, how they think about the world, and what is meaningful to them. (Growing Young, 91.)
When seeking to be better at empathising with today’s young people, a natural place to start is to go back in time and ponder what it was like for you to be young. This is a good place to start! But it can’t be all you do, because the reality is, our young people today are living in a vastly different world from 30 or 50 years ago. Young people are staying in school longer, have more debt due to education costs, are getting married later, having kids later, and having up to seven different jobs before they start their career. These are just a few examples of how life has changed for young people in the last 30 years.
In the book Growing Young, the authors describe this generation in this way: “Fifteen is the new 25. Twenty-five is the new 15. Yes, it is that complicated.” (91) In some ways, we are seeing maturity in young people at a much younger age due to biological changes and cultural changes. In other ways, we are watching young people mature at a much later age due to the longer period of development and later finish line of adulthood.
These are some of the things to consider when empathising with today’s young people. If we are going to be a church that is strong in this area, it has to start with us – the people. It is not programs, leadership, or a budget. Those things show our priority, not our empathy. Empathy is a matter of the heart.
So what can you do?
Learn names. This Lent, can you commit to learning the name of one young person each Sunday you come to church? And can you use their name to greet them the following week when you see them?
Have a conversation. Have a full-blown conversation with one young person. One that starts with something like ‘How are you?’ and ends with something like ‘How can I pray for you this week’. Can you commit to doing this every Sunday in Lent?
Dive deeper with one person. Find one young person in your life who you would like to get to know more. Invite them to help you understand their world. If you are afraid that you do not understand today’s culture, admit it, and ask them for help.
Today’s young people are longing for connection and real, authentic relationships – is this unique? No! They are just like the rest of us.