Unwanted- an apt contemporary title for a book that alerts us to the scope and magnitude of the most profitable and exploitative business of our time- the explosive growth and ubiquity of pornography. The flip side of course is what’s left in the wake, the often untold economic and human cost, consequences of “Unwanted Sexual Behavior.”
This aftermath is the context in which the author, Jay Stringer, a licensed mental-health counselor and ordained minister, has conducted his years of research and clinical practice. In his book, Stringer offers hope-gently- and a path to genuine recovery. Getting away from a focus on “freedom from,” he suggests an approach of “freedom-for” which challenges us “to dream of God’s redemption for the most glorious and ruined layers of one’s desire.” His research shows how unwanted sexual behaviour is so inextricably linked to the influences of dysfunctional family systems. Ultimately however, unwanted sexual behaviour is never to be blamed on disengaged or rigid parenting, or even the sex industry itself. Personal integrity is each one’s responsibility.
Stringer’s message is that even a sincere desire to establish a full stop in this cycle of unwanted sexual behaviour will only be as effective as one’s ability to identify and dismantle the underlying infrastructure creating your need for it. “One is not worthless because you…, but one feels worthless so you… “ [emphasis mine]. Efforts, however sincere, to control and suppress unwanted behaviours will be “incomplete and anemic.” A path of recovery cannot happen in isolation, but needs to intersect with an understanding community, an empathic confidant, and a skilled professional counselor. It requires tremendous courage to undertake this difficult but infinitely worthwhile journey. “Sexual violence will be healed to the extent to which it is acknowledged.” God loves us all and invites our participation in restoring lives.
This book is available from the Church Library. It’s also a great introduction to Jay Stringer, who’ll be presenting on unwanted sexual behaviours, in the Safe Spaces Webinar via Zoom, March 10. (Free registration and details at www.bcsafechurch.com)